Betrayal

I never intended to stop writing for twenty days. I've been so busy the past few weeks, I've had more than enough to write about, just no time. Since my last entry, I've had final exams, moving out, moving in, and then working forty hours a week at the establishment at which I am, since yesterday, no longer employed. Sunday night I find that my employment at Trio Cafe has been officially terminated. The details as to why and how the whole issue occurred are still undefined and I have not yet had the opportunity to defend myself--an opportunity that, knowing my manager, I doubt will ever arise. However, what I do know is that one of the shift leaders has betrayed me severely and was ultimately the cause of said termination.

This particular shift-leader is not very well-liked at Trio. Growing up as an unattractive social outcast, she found power as a suitable substitute for the respect she could not gain among her peers. However, she could never gain any power without respect, so she constantly assumed power that she was not granted and ended up only further estranging herself from her peers by her ceaseless attempts to control them in everyday situations like during soccer practice, in the classroom, or at work. However, recently, Trio lost three shift leaders within a short period of time and so the manager, out of severe desperation, promoted the employee--who loyally devoted four years of her life to this job without any promotion until this point--to the position of "shift-leader." So as I said, this shift-leader was never popular, and has only very few close friends. Several months ago, I witnessed this shift-leader betray another Trio employee--her best friend and roommate--causing that employee to be fired for no just reason whatsoever. After that debacle I should have been constantly on guard around that disgusting backstabber, however, I was unfortunately cursed with feelings of pity for this friendless shift-leader girl. So while all the other workers humiliated her and said awful things about her behind her back and neglected to invite her to events that the rest of the staff was invited to, I, her only friend, stood up for her. She and I weren't necessarily close, but we definitely had a good work relationship, and I defended her when others made fun of her and said bad things about her and I obediently followed the orders that she didn't even have the power to give, just to make her feel somewhat good about herself. So anyway, after all my kindness and support, she offers me only one thing: betrayal. The word spills off my tongue like acid. This shift-leader, who was terribly mistreated by everyone except me, fed my manager slanderous lies that caused my downfall. And I hate her for it. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. The slut.

Getting fired hurt. Although I definitely wanted to leave, and was practically offering my resignation notice during my argument with my manager, getting kicked out instead of walking out on my own hurt. Badly. It was (or still is, for that matter, I am not quite over the situation yet) a mixture of rejection, unfairness, and the sense of betrayal. I suddenly felt unwanted and unimportant, as if the eight months or so of loyal workmanship I served Trio suddenly accounted for nothing and had no value. This was my first, and only thus far, job. I don't know if this is the case for all first jobs, but this wasn't just a side job for a source of income to cover a college student's alcohol expenditures. I really tried hard every day to do the best I could--not taking shortcuts, and not leaving anything undone. I could have slacked through and half-assed everything like everyone else; I would've saved my energy and made the same wage. But for some reason I felt driven to constantly work to my best potential and fill Trio with the success of my sheer excellence. And for what? All the dedication and hard work I put into that job apparently means nothing to my manager; it was a waste of blood and sweat. Furthermore, the simple unfairness of my termination just infuriates me. I did nothing wrong--or at least certainly nothing worth more than a raised eyebrow--but slander goes so far. I was unjustly fired and there is nothing I can do about it but spectate my own downfall. But the betrayal is the worst, the fact that I fell victim to the heartless hatred of some crazed backstabber who's desperation for power drives her to commit all sorts of evil without a moment of guilt.

It's all infuriating, and quite depressing, but after all the anger and sadness, there's still the looming terror that the termination on my record--especially in the slanderous context in which my manager is likely to word it--will prevent me from attaining another job in the future, at least not until after college.

Further thoughts soon to come. Peace.